Wednesday, November 3, 2010

What do you say?

I'm lost.... What the hell do you say when your kid comes through the door with this? Well, I do know the first thing that would come out of my mouth,  "J...E...S...U...S...C...H...R.........???"

Hell, I wouldn't even know what I'm referring to.... Is it the miraculous detail of the air-filled crucifix which my daughter has spent 16 hours hours of her teenage life making? or, is it the fact that my daughter spent 16 hours solitarily making an ecclesiastical zeppelin, and is now taking it on it's maiden voyage around my living room?

How can you fault the girl? On the subject of good and bad, technically it's a good idea... Just really strange.. How can you tell this angel she will never be successful?... It's obvious she has more passion than Mel Gibson, busier fingers than Ellen Degeneres, and spends more time on her knees than David Copperfield....  It's great to have hero's... and it looks like she didn't f*ck around and went straight to the top... How do you try to explain that this is all just going to lead down a familiar path with her being crucified by her friends?.. Especially when you're the one that named her Christi.

OK... God bless this girl. I'm sure she is going to be a dream to raise, and a saint of a sister... However, Best case scenario... let's go over little Christi's options:
-Join the circus
-Join a convent
-Become a magician
-Write an e-book, "Born again balloon art - entertaining thousands with only 2 balloons and 5 breathes of air."

As a parent, these are probably not your initial ideas for a fabulously fulfilling life... So.... Do you deflate all her hopes and dreams by popping that prince of peace balloon braid, and hope she grows out of it?... If so, How do you go about it? Do you stick a pin in his palms?  Take a knife to the side?.... or just reverently entomb him in the garbage can outside? No one ever said being a parent was easy... and this is just a strikingly awkward situation.

Not quite as striking as the look on your face, when 3 days later she comes out of her room with a fully resuscitated, completely glorified version...... and says,"I forgive you".

You sinner....

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