Wednesday, December 15, 2010

New ringtone for work calls

WTF is this.... I don't know if this is real or not but who gives a rat's ass... it will emancipate you from the bonds of a shitty day, and make you laugh for at least the next 100 years....

However, it did make my conscience play a torturous game of North and South over whether I should laugh or not.

Technically, I don't know if the Parthenon was built by slaves, or the pyramids, or America for that matter.... However, if we look at what this culture's major contribution has been to American society, We've got Hip hop, Jazz, and Blues.....
So I think they will be very appreciative and find it very fitting, that we finally make reparations with a song...
Raw deal?.... O.k., we'll throw in a president.

Look at it this way, at least you're not a fucking slave.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Charitable Heartbreak

"Sometimes it's hard to go on and keep those smiles?"
Something tells me this bouncing little butterball is really heartbroken over his dad. In fact they all look incredibely and hopelessly "lost in the grief".

How fitting is it that WalMart is sponsoring this festive little charity project. I'm sure that coerces a big boned smile from their swollen grief stricken faces.

Do we really need to be giving this family food for the holidays?  Just a guess, but it looks like they had a hell of a thanksgiving feast.... Are those f*cking cookie tins? Really? Cookies and Video games?.. I love that the girl just lost her dad and the only tears I see, are the tears of joy as she holds a can full of soft batch hand picked pasteries.
How about a fucking treadmill..... Gym pass.... some dance lessons....  some Crystal Meth?
You know, a little amphetamine addiction might not only help them drop a few hundred pounds but it might also help them cope with the incredibly inconsolable sadness of losing their father...Three husky birds with one rock... or stoned.

Instead, I love that we are feeding this butter bird family of stuffed turkeys with the very addiction that is going to finally choke off their mother's aorta 3 weeks into January, and leave them as fucking orphans. I guess it's only fitting that this generous publicity stunt is named, "getting to the heart of Christmas". Marketing genius.. Great idea Walmart..... Let me thank you in advance for leaving me, and the rest of America, to pick up the burdening years of premium healthcare costs, and PTSD therapy that your fucking gold star family will require for the next 30+ years.

I can't wait for the ultimate slap in the face when a big pine box, draped in a flag and the words "Cpt. Kasey Roberts" on it arrives at the house....and our burly little ballerina dances passed it and amorously hugs the pallette box next to it, just dropped off by Walmart, wrapped in celophane and that says,"Jimmy Dean"....

Merry F*cking Christmas.... sausage lovers.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Sometimes it is just too easy

A while ago I posted a link for anyone looking for something to fill some time in a long day. Today is the same concept... Here is a screenshot example from a time killing personal favorite, that is always guaranteed fun... If you're ever needing a devious laugh and feel like your going to hell anyway... give it a try. It's kind of like fishing with dynamite... a bit unfair, but still funny as hell.

click pic to enlarge

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Hands up, who's crazy

At exactly what point in life do you realize you are genetically destined to be a f*cking hand model?  It's got to be fairly early, at least in this case, because it came at the cost of developing any social skills and has retarded all awareness of the world around her... leaving this mess looking like a remedial 2 month old that is just discovering her hands again every 30 seconds.

A+ to the news producer who brought this crazy bitch in for the eye to eye interview... It's too bad her eyes never see the f*cking camera... She might not be looking but we all giggled watching her play an erotically orgasmic game of air cat's cradle... I've never seen a girl more into a set of fingers, it's like a lesbian watching porn.

Seriously, put your f*cking hands down...  Your hands don't "emanate and radiate good health and care" just because you've got them stuffed in a pair of gloves or your crotch all day...  I knew a boy who lived in a bubble once and he was definitely not a goddamn picture of health....
Exactly who does do the mondaine things in this girls life? Because the mondain things for her might be a nightmare for me... The shit goes both ways, Susan... Here's an example... for me, wiping my ass is extremely mondaine.... but because this mondaine task is a complete nightmare for you, your poor personal hygine also becomes a tragically disgusting nightmare for me... While you think your fantastically fickle phalanges express a healthy glow, your personality and shitty situation radiates compulsively neurotic sickness...

Here's another one that is going to break your heart.. unless you have just pulled them out of a vat of paint, basically everyone's hands are a neutral tone.

It's true Ellen, I am in awe. Not because you can make a living off of 5 inches. Believe me, I know a lot of guys back in college who made a full time living on much less... Old news... I'm in awe because someone has let you get away with no cooking, no cleaning, no opening cans or doors.... It's kind of ironic that everyone wants to take our subpar meager little hands and bitchslap you right in your finger fetish f*cking smile. We are not falling for it.

I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say, there is definitely no man in your life....and no, it is not because of your overly selfish and lazy demeanor. It's your face... or your greasy wet look perm... but this Laura Ingalls Wilder act you've going isn't doing shit for your situation. Perhaps you should take a few minutes away from your hands and spend sometime on your fucking grill, it's about as repulsive as your personality. Thank god your a hand model.

May i suggest that it is about time you discovered another body part?.... It's called a vagina. Just a guess but when you figure out what it is, you may just forget about those fingers all together... at least 8 or 9 of them.

Baby steps..... If we work on this a bit who knows, you may find some guy who would be fine with opening your cans, turning your pages, and wiping your ass..... After all, it could be a dream come true for him... think about it... He would never have to talk to you... He could always be the one to work the remote... He could take your hard earned cash every time in cards because you always believe you have the best hand... And you are definitely the only girl who could have a multiple old faithful doublebarrel squirtfest just by watching yourself give a hand job.