Monday, November 8, 2010

Mmmmm crabmeat

God bless Craigslist. Not only a useful tool for the everyday person... but it has provided an window into worlds I never would have guessed existed, nor could I even imagine... All of this, of course, provides the rest of the world with an endless cache of priceless entertainment.
Seriously, who could even make shit like this up?...

At first I saw the post and was a bit confused.... Is this guy's name Jo? Is "Jo on rails" a cool engineering nickname he gave himself?.. At first when I read the line about coming over and "Jo" in his model train room I thought it was just a poorly misplaced typo..... It was at that point I realized 2 things:
1-There is something to this "jo" expression, and
2- I was naively behind the times when it came to contemporary pornographic acronyms. The dude is probably named something more like "J"ACK... and this M*therf*cker is definitely "O"FF the rails.

Gotta hand it to the guy.... sorry...Ahhh.... gotta give this guy credit. He's ambitious, open minded, and definitely knows exactly what he likes...

Seriously, what series of tragic ingredients where all mixed together to make this guys fucked up soup d'jour?... This is either the most arbitrary mix of fetish seeking ideas, or Jack is some sort of fucking precision savant who could re site the phone book, but needs a HO scaled locomotive engine playing a game of "I think I can" up his rectum to get him started.

If I had to guess, I'd say ol' Jack isn't the laser focused type. I think he's got more of a shotgun approach to life. What makes me say that Jo Jack is grasping at proverbial straws?....
Let's look at a few of the cryptic clues: Maybe it's the confusion about having a homoerotic Godzilla blow his hot oversized lizard load all over the poor kids train set without hurting it..... Maybe it's the fact that Jack tends to aimlessly buy extraneous quantities of seafood without discretion.... The fact that Jack has sons in the first place, and is STILL asking some 70 year old male to come over for some mutual touching, role play, and quick game of rub and tug all over last year's Christmas gift, suggests that Jack is a bit complicated.

Let me help out and bring a little focus to the situation...
New flash Jack.... You're fucking gay... Maybe not gay in a "rainbow scarf and David Archuletta" kind of way, but more of a "I want to fondle a wrinkly set of hairy balls, with my face" sort of way... Look, I love the fact that you're a man with standards, but I think it may be time to come to grips with it. I really appreciate the invitation....You are one generous son of a bitch, and the truth is, you almost had me at "imitation crab meat"... But the image of being all alone in a house with you, when you just made room in the freezer really freaks me out.

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