Thursday, October 28, 2010

Another "Fauggie"

Really??? What the fuck is it in this country with our obsession with putting a hole(s) in a blanket and trying to sell that shit for millions of dollars? Give it up.
Yet here we are, watching someone else beat the shit out of that same poor dead horse..

This idea just cries out...,"I'm the dumb ass"... Yep, You ARE the dumb ass... You are the dumb ass that actually said out loud after a snuggie commercial, "why didn't I have that idea?"... Then to make matters worse you spent the next 36 months of your eventless life leveraging every point in your IQ to come up with your million dollar idea...
... And this is the shit you came up with.

As with all Post Snuggie...or "Faux Snuggie" ideas, this sucks... Your "Fauggie" blows.

I got to give it to you... you spent your life's savings on a clever little video and an avant-garde marketing campaign, banking on the fact your were going to sell millions of these useless units. However, there are a few holes in your marketing strategy....

#1- Snazzy Napper?...
To you this says,"cutting edge, progressively useful"....  To me this says,"You are either 68+ years old and a broken hip away from a permanent nap, or Grandma won the naming contest at the family party." Seriously, who has used the word "snazzy" since '84.. unless they were describing their bingo dauber or some weird colored skarf they knit out of sparkling yarn? Anytime the word "snazzy" IS used, it is generally to cover up what was a really terrible idea in the first place... So, although it is fitting, I still hate it.

#2- Anywhere? Really....anywhere?
Let me list off a few places that this shit might be a bad idea:
On a plane
Airport in general
Gun Range
Any southern state
University campus
While I like the enthusiasm, and entrepreneurial spirit... Maybe I haven't spent enough time at a bus stop, but if you pulled that shit out in front of me while waiting on a bench, I would innocently laugh my ass off, take a picture, then scoot away... However, If you tried that trick on a plane, I personally would jump across the isle and stab you through the nose hole with a box cutter... and there would be about 30 people behind me, waiting to do the same... There are somethings that are just a knee jerk reaction and in today's world you probably should take that into consideration...
And by consideration I don't mean silkscreening a bouncing sheep wearing sunglasses on the front... like a mob of 30 defense minded air passengers are going to come to a screeching halt when they see the sheep and say," Oh,...whoooa.. he's cool. Don't worry everyone, he's cool... there is a sheep on the front."

#3- Originality? Look we all know this is a blatant attempt to get some of that Snuggie money...  The only reason so many of those hideous homemade blankets sold, was because everyone needed a F*cking gag gift for that annoying office or neighborhood Christmas party..... It was embarrasingly lame....It was not cool, convienient, or comfortable!  It was not even a truley unique idea, and your shitty idea was obsolete a loooong time before that... Exhibit A-L

Ok....Ok... maybe I have been a little harsh. While your idea might not work for the contemporary day to day crowd, let's look at some places your "Fauggie" might naturally flourish:
Ball game during a rain delay
Natural disaster or FEMA event
White supremacist gathering
Taxi cab
Missing Wedding veil
Sheep herding
Science lab
Gaming convention or Renaissance fair
Pinata party
Being a hostage
Taking a hostage
Taking a taste test
Taking over a plane, train or any mass transit
Planting a roadside bomb

Perhaps I am the fool. It looks like there are probably countless situations in which this incompetent eye flap will work wonders. It turns out the concept is propitiously pragmatic, scintillatingly resplendent , and .... do I dare say, "Snazzy"???

Shit....."Why didn't I think of that?"

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