Friday, December 10, 2010

Charitable Heartbreak

"Sometimes it's hard to go on and keep those smiles?"
Something tells me this bouncing little butterball is really heartbroken over his dad. In fact they all look incredibely and hopelessly "lost in the grief".

How fitting is it that WalMart is sponsoring this festive little charity project. I'm sure that coerces a big boned smile from their swollen grief stricken faces.

Do we really need to be giving this family food for the holidays?  Just a guess, but it looks like they had a hell of a thanksgiving feast.... Are those f*cking cookie tins? Really? Cookies and Video games?.. I love that the girl just lost her dad and the only tears I see, are the tears of joy as she holds a can full of soft batch hand picked pasteries.
How about a fucking treadmill..... Gym pass.... some dance lessons....  some Crystal Meth?
You know, a little amphetamine addiction might not only help them drop a few hundred pounds but it might also help them cope with the incredibly inconsolable sadness of losing their father...Three husky birds with one rock... or stoned.

Instead, I love that we are feeding this butter bird family of stuffed turkeys with the very addiction that is going to finally choke off their mother's aorta 3 weeks into January, and leave them as fucking orphans. I guess it's only fitting that this generous publicity stunt is named, "getting to the heart of Christmas". Marketing genius.. Great idea Walmart..... Let me thank you in advance for leaving me, and the rest of America, to pick up the burdening years of premium healthcare costs, and PTSD therapy that your fucking gold star family will require for the next 30+ years.

I can't wait for the ultimate slap in the face when a big pine box, draped in a flag and the words "Cpt. Kasey Roberts" on it arrives at the house....and our burly little ballerina dances passed it and amorously hugs the pallette box next to it, just dropped off by Walmart, wrapped in celophane and that says,"Jimmy Dean"....

Merry F*cking Christmas.... sausage lovers.

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